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Lifestyle: Jeans to win the woman of your dreams

by Emily Longstaff
24 February, 2013
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About the author

Emily is an enthusiastic journalist and reporter with an extensive background in the Art and Design industry. She has co-written an academic paper in Apparel Design supported by Westminster University and has been credited in numerous magazines and journals. Her work is widely sought after and has been redistributed over many well known websites such as Sky News online. Emily currently writes for New York publication Art Observed.

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In Western civilisation where fashion reigns supreme and our culture is very much appearance centric, men can often end up falling below par, unwittingly giving females the upper hand.

The below par male

Man in street

British high street

This could be any back alley or high street in Britain, and, no offence to these gentlemen, but they typify exactly what is wrong with British male fashion. The ill fitting Adidas track bottoms, hoodies, and acres of polyester. It’s no wonder so many British stores are closing down. Men aren’t out there buying decent kit.

Teen movies where girls give each other ‘make overs’ surround us in abundance, but how often do you see the guy slapping on the war paint? I’m not trying to say that if there were to be a Mean Girls 2 I would like to see men as the main characters, but unless men start to take some action to regain control and keep up with the look obsessed society that surrounds them they seem set to lose what little power they have left.

What I am going to suggest in order to restore some kind of fashion equality to the world, is a very obvious, but very effective, secret weapon… Jeans! Yes, I know, men have been wearing jeans for many generations now; but what men haven’t been wearing for long enough is good jeans. Despite them originally being invented for the strength of their twill weave, the fabric is now renowned for its style over durability.

Come on guys, we’re not working on ranches any more! Women have been subtly gaining authority for the last 60 years or so through the art of appeal, so it’s about time someone directed men to fabric that has a higher percentage of elastene in than they’re used to so they can equally work their curves. To make this happen I am going to recommend jeans from several brands, some luxurious, others affordable yet distinctly well cut or macho.

Key Closet Bull Pocket in the Force

Key Closet Bull Force In Pocket

These jeans from Key Closet may look like an ordinary pair of dark denim jeans from the front, but if you take a sneaky peek at the derrière of the lucky wearer you will see that the back pockets are meticulously embellished with Swarovski crystals. The sparkling gems outline the shape of a raging bull and help to adorn the oriental style Key Closet initialling that is particular to the brand. Although the masculinity of the bull may be dumbed down by the shimmer of the stones, the eye catching design which incorporates grey, white and red thread will not go amiss, I assure you.

You can’t help but notice the reverberations of light that deliver themselves from the motif; and with an expensive pair of well fitting, straight leg jeans like these; that can only be a plus! The darkness of this particular style and the fact they aren’t ‘skinny’ make them perfect for most figures. Darker colours are slimming, and due to the thickness and durability of the twill weave, the fabric is certain to hold all your wobbly bits in place and shape them in order to impress the ladies. So don’t snub your nose at clothes containing jewels. If it gets the girls, who cares!

All Saints Toxic Pipe Jeans

toxic skinny jeans

Skinny jeans are all the rage at the moment. For just £85 you can purchase a pair of Toxic Pipe Jeans. The name might not sound too alluring to the average male, nor may the concept of wearing something that vaguely resembles a pair of leggings. However, why should females be the only ones allowed to show off their form so easily? Skinny jeans aren’t right for everyone however, contrary to their name, they do not make the wearer ‘skinny’ and can actually accentuate the unwanted curves of more weighty individuals and equally vanquish the little muscle scrawny guys have.  So why subject yourself to embarrassment you might ask? For the few that are perfectly formed out there, why cover up your blessing behind a pair of baggy thick jeans… women certainly wouldn’t!

You don’t need to be flawless either; thanks to Toxic’s ebony coloured design a few wobbles and bobbles can easily be hidden. Be warned though, the square top resides on your hips so make sure you get a perfect fit unless you want your stomach to spill over the to – that wouldn’t be a good look.

Key Closet Determination Frog In Nebula

Determination Frog In Nebula

If you’re looking for something more from an expensive pair of jeans, and these come in at a hefty $1,600, I recommend the Determination Frog in Nebula – even the name sounds head turning! The motifs on the jeans not only run over the back pockets, but encompass a large proportion of the garment. A giant ornate looking oriental frog stretches across the left trouser leg. The black outline is carefully filled in with grey and white thread which blends seamlessly within the design. The frog even ventures past the knee at some points! Although the concept may be a little garish for some, for the more confident male fashionistas, this one will definitely take your style to the next level.

7 For All Mankind Vintage 7 Collection Standard Straight Leg Jeans

7 For All Mankind Vintage 7 Collection Standard Classic Straight Leg In Ocean Mist

If you’re looking for a well sought after designer that won’t break the bank (completely); look no further than 7 For All Mankind. Like the name suggests, the garments they produce do indeed accommodate ‘all mankind’ due to their highly reasonable pricing without skimping on their ‘brand appeal’. Their standard straight leg jeans from the Vintage 7 Collection are also the perfect compromise for those who fancy something a bit more figure hugging but aren’t brave enough to sport something quite as skimpy as a skinny jean. The standard straight leg design comes in array of colours suitable for a multitude of occasions from completely casual to a more formal night out (though try not to wear these jeans anywhere too fancy no matter how much you may like them!). The five pocketed design of jeans is also an added plus as you can never have too many places to put your car keys, wallet and phone. Men will unfortunately most probably never find equality in the handbag department.

Pierre Balmain Biker Jeans

Pierre Balmain Biker Jeans

If you like the tapered appeal of straight leg and skinny designs, but don’t like the metro-sexual label that comes with the design, take a peek at  Pierre Balmain’s Biker Jeans. These are Hollywood hot right now. They both incorporate the figure hugging essence of the aforementioned styles, whist beefing up the look with a few ‘biker’, bad boy traits. Incorporated in to the light blue denim is an array of artfully placed decorative seams. This provides a rugged look to the denim with reinforced patches on the knees in case of 60mph bike spills. There are also sturdy gold zips on the front and back pockets which are sure to keep your possessions safe should you actually use the jeans as their name seems to imply you should – on a motorbike.

American Eagle Oufitters, Original Boot Jean

american eagle apparel

If you’re looking for something less fancy, don’t fear, you can still look good, be in fashion, not emphasise you bodily down falls and have enough cash left over to actually take any allured women on a date! American Eagle Outfitters are not only already exceptionally priced, but they’re currently having a new year sale too! For under £30 you can get your hands on a pair of their Original Boot Cut Jeans. They conform to the appearance of stereotypical blue denim, and whilst they are straight cut on the thighs, they flair out slightly on the lower leg – traditional ‘boot cut’ style. As legs naturally taper towards the ankles this creates the illusion of having broader calves and an, overall, more masculine appearance perfect for winning the ladies over. (Ed: I’d take this pair back they’re in dreadful condition!).

Key Closet Diamond Studded Dragon Tiger Denim

Diamond Studded

If you have $10k to blow on a pair of jeans, we recommend the Key Closet Diamond Studded Dragon Tiger Denim. As you can probably fathom from the name the jeans feature a multitude of diamonds. This is not a garment you want to put in the washing machine! The slightly darker shaded denim, does however, possess slightly lighter shading around the knee in order to mimic some kind of wear – which is a little ironic if you ask me. The diamond studded design, that features various oriental dragons, takes up the majority of the jean’s surface area.

Each metal and diamond stud is scrupulously embedded into the fabric in order to follow the stitching of the design. Along the right hand pocket, rows of studs and diamonds are featured in order to further catch the light and draw spectator’s attention. With shades of silver and gold thread with erratically artful stitching finishing the design, this is definitely the most Avant Garde of the collection. Most typical men aren’t ready to sport runway wear round the high street or in nightclubs, but for the few brave souls that are, the Dragon Tiger Denim design is the best way to exude your high fashion persona (and break the bank).

Editor’s choice: Wrangler 13MWZ Original Fit Rigid Jeans

Wrangler 13MWZ Original Fit Rigid Jeans

Harrison Ford in Wrangler Jeans

Call me old fashioned but there’s two important brand names missing from this selection. Levis and Wrangler. Ever heard of them? The more mature gentleman cannot be seen in badly bleached, ice blue, ripped, skinny, or for that matter baggy relaxed fit jeans. The important thing is, and this has been completely lost on the younger generation, they have to fit your butt.

Wrangler still make the classic 13MWZ rigid jeans they first made in 1947, except in pandering to modern tastes, you can’t buy them in normal stores, just about the only place you can still get them is in an old fashioned mail order catalogue in the States. These jeans are just what jeans should be. Immaculately cut to the contours of the body, a snug fit around the crotch and butt, not a rip or fade or a spot of bleaching in sight.

The classic Cowboy Cut jeans were cut to the specific requirements of rodeo athletes. No false whiskers to give them fake signs of wear and age. No fancy diamonds either. No sir, you have to wear them in yourself, roping steers and getting thrown off bulls in the rodeo, and doing manly sweaty stuff around the ranch – yes some guys are still working on the ranch! These jeans are worn by Harrison Ford to great in effect in the movie Extraordinary Measures as chosen by his wardrobe expert. They look good no matter what age you are. You can’t improve upon the originals, and, along with Levis 501’s, these are it.

Hublot Oceanographic 4000 Jeans

Hublot Oceanographic 4000 Jeans

To wrap things up, I want to offer you a final bit of advice to accompany your new found fashion sense – match up your jeans with a great watch!  Hublot have just released a new ‘jeans’ range in collaboration with Zegg & Cerlati. The star of the collection, the Oceanographic 4000 Jeans, has both the dial and strap composed of denim made by top Italian manufacturers. The Oceanographic 4000 Jeans is a special limited edition of just 21 numbered watches available exclusively from Zegg & Cerlati boutiques, at Place du Casino in Monte-Carlo, Ischgl in Austria and Samnaun in Switzerland. The timepiece itself is pressure resistant to a depth of 4000m making the piece the first ever ultra-technical diving watch that has denim straps.

It might not add as much glitz as the $10,000 diamond studded Key Closet jeans, but this watch is the perfect finishing touch for a man who is at the forefront of fashion and ahead of his female counterpart.

Emily Longstaff | Website

Emily is an enthusiastic journalist and reporter with an extensive background in the Art and Design industry. She has co-written an academic paper in Apparel Design supported by Westminster University and has been credited in numerous magazines and journals. Her work is widely sought after and has been redistributed over many well known websites such as Sky News online. Emily currently writes for New York publication Art Observed.

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