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If Hollywood actors were watches

by Michael Weare
16 February, 2013
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About the author

Michael Weare has been a professional writer for 30 years, writing about Japanese technology, German and Italian cars, British tailoring and Swiss watches. Michael manages the editorial content of Click Tempus and will be keeping the magazine fresh and informative with regular features, as well as bringing great writers to the magazine. Email: michael@clicktempus.com

Hollywood stars

There’s no career quite like a Hollywood career to give you that queasy rollercoaster feeling. One minute you’re right up there in the heavens and nothing can touch you, everyone adores you, the hit movies keep on coming and the money flows like honey and wine. The next, a couple of movies don’t pan out so well; it only takes an unexpected megaflop and suddenly in the eyes of producers, you’re box office poison. Your stock goes down faster than Wall Street junk bonds.

Let’s imagine for a moment that top movie stars are watches. Let’s consider what watch they once were, and what watch they are today.

Jim Carrey

Jim Carrey

He used to be a sparkling novelty, the screen had not witnessed the phenomenon which was Jim Carrey when he electrified audiences with one hit comedy after another, starting with Ace Ventura Pet Detective. He’s still an international draw, but despite efforts to diversify his playbook, Carrey’s recent films have been too costly to make much of a profit — if at all. After a soft opening, 2005’s $100 million Fun With Dick and Jane limped to a profit in the U.S. Yes Man fared marginally better in 2008, while 2009’s $200 million mocap epic A Christmas Carol is still in the red.

The watch he once was: Christophe Claret Blackjack

Christophe Claret Blackjack

This novelty watch was produced a couple of years ago by exclusive Swiss manufacture Christophe Claret. It’s everything Jim Carrey was, and actually a great deal more sophisticated. Like Carrey it was a unique intriguing, complex and joyous novelty, and a safe bet too. The Christophe Claret Blackjack actually enables the owner to gamble on Blackjack, and even contains tiny dice

The watch he is now:Hamilton Jazzmaster Chronograph

Hamilton Jazzmaster Chronograph

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the Hamilton Jazzmaster, it’s driven by the newly developed H-21 movement, a high-performance automatic chronograph which delivers 60 hours of reliable power reserve. An attractive watch, but it’s not a Christophe Claret Blackjack, and never will be. However, Hamilton has a strong foothold in Hollywood, appearing in over 400 movies. Jim Carrey just needs to find one that’s a hit.

Nicole Kidman

Nicole Kidman

Nicole Kidman was one of the hottest Hollywood properties and still smoulders. Married to Tom Cruise, she commanded lead roles in all the biggest movies. But we’re a long way from her hot streak ten years ago that included Moulin Rouge!, The Others, The Hours and Cold Mountain. Since then, she’s toplined risible remakes The Stepford Wives, Bewitched and Invasion, misfired epics including Golden Compass and Australia and the dire Trespass.

The watch she once was: Blancpain Chronograph Large Date

Blancpain Chronograph Large Date

She was as fresh and sparkling as today’s headlines, just like this brand new beauty from Blancpain, which we featured yesterday. The shimmering mother-of-pearl dial gleams just like Nicole’s career once did. There’s even a diamond on the crown.

The watch she is now:  Gucci G Line Stainless Steel Bangle Watch

Gucci G-Line

She’s still a highly desirable brand name, but now she’s more Gucci stainless steel bangle than Blancpain sparkling diamond bezel, and the jewel has slipped from the crown.

Russell Crowe

Russell Crowe

This Hollywood bad boy was the blockbuster king just a few short years ago. But American Gangster and 3:10 to Yuma were five years ago, and since then he’s starred in Ridley Scott’s expensive Robin Hood (a box office dud in the U.S. which connected overseas) and a string of too-similar, just-barely profitable and largely forgettable films — Body of Lies, State of Play and The Next Three Days. He’s definitely been looking for weightier roles, but recently all he has managed is to merely put on weight. In his latest movie Broken City he’s even wearing a wig.

The watch he once was: Girard Perregaux Vintage 1945 Tourbillon with Three Gold Bridges

Girard Perregaux Vintage 1945 Tourbillon With Gold Bridges

This was a majestic limited edition model – the Vintage 1945 Tourbillon with three gold Bridges of which only 50 were made. Girard Perregaux ‘s master watchmakers carefully hollowed out the bridges, and then hand-polished them. It’s a glittering watch, just like Russell’s career in the glory days of Gladiator.

The watch he is now: Rolex Air King

Rolex Air King

Like this stainless steel Rolex Air King, Russell’s career has hit some turbulence, and while everyone still wants a Rolex, Hollywood producers are not so sure they want Russell Crowe. This model dates back to 1996 and is still in excellent condtion, so hopefully like a Rolex, Russell is still good for many more years to come.

Harrison Ford

Harrison Ford

He was the go to actor for any movie that required machismo, charm and charisma. Inextricably linked to some of the biggest films of all-time, Ford’s box office appeal has been less than certain lately. With the exception of the critically reviled Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Ford’s films in the last decade — K-19: The Widowmaker, Hollywood Homicide, Firewall, Crossing Over, Extraordinary and last summer’s bomb Cowboys & Aliens  have somehow missed the mark.

The watch he once was: Vacheron Constantin Malte Minute Repeater Perpetual Calendar

Vacheron Constantin Malte Minute Repeater Perpetual Calendar

Like this top-end model from Vacheron Constantin, Harrison Fords’ career had everything going for him at the same time. As the name suggests, this watch features some of the most sought after complications in haute horology, everyone wants it, but only very few can afford it.  This is half a million dollars worth of watch, at his peak, Harrison could afford dozens of them for one movie. But it’s not over yet, he is set to reprise his role as Hans Solo in Star Wars 7! The big bucks could be on the way back.

The watch he is now: Vintage Omega Seamaster

Vintage Omega Seamaster 600

Like a well worn shoe, there is great comfort to be had from a timeless classic like the Omega Seamaster. It’s a reliable, proven watch, and this vintage 1965  600 model still looks great for its age. Running on a calibre 601 movement, the watch is still running strong, and so is Harrison, but maybe he wants to turn back the time.

Orlando Bloom

Orlando Bloom

It’s fair to say the bloom has faded somewhat on Orlando’s career. Bloom was part of the two biggest film franchises of the 2000s (they’re even recognised just by acronyms: L.O.T.R.” and P.O.T.C.) but what else has he really done? Kingdom of Heaven” and Elizabethtown failed to make him a star on his own, and his most recent film, The Three Musketeers, flopped domestically.

The watch he once was: Panerai Luminor

Panerai Luminor

Orlando is actually a great fan of Panerai watches, brought to mainstream attention by actor Sylvester Stallone. Probably the most popular of the case styles, the Panerai Luminor case is also the most contemporary looking of all the Panerai watches. These large, well made dive watches were originally made for Italian divers in the Second World War, and the Germans wanted to get hold of them too. Like Orlando, thanks to some lucky casting they became a huge hit in the past decade or so.

The watch he is now: Luminox Deep Dive 1525 Scott Cassell

Luminox 1525 Scott Cassell

Since his career has taken a bit of a dive, the watch he is now is this special edition Luminox. Still a great brand, the watch is ISO 6425 certified. It has an automatic movement, a strap extender for use over a wetsuit and Luminox’s self-powered illumination system. Every Luminox watch features tritium watch hands and markers which provide permanent luminescence and shine – something every Hollywood star longs for.

Give us some more names for ‘ If Hollywood Stars were actors’.  Name the watches they once were and are now!

 

Movie information adapted from an original article by Hitfix.com

Michael Weare | Website

Michael Weare has been a professional writer for 30 years, writing about Japanese technology, German and Italian cars, British tailoring and Swiss watches. Michael manages the editorial content of Click Tempus and will be keeping the magazine fresh and informative with regular features, as well as bringing great writers to the magazine. Email: michael@clicktempus.com

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